Saint Stuart
December 28, 2022

Forgiveness can be tough. Someone brings pain and destruction to the life of another and we’re supposed to forgive them? What does that exactly mean? To forgive. I’ve grown up with certain conceptions of forgiveness, but until I began to practice it as the Bible teaches, I didn’t really understand how important it is to maintaining a life of true peace. To many, I think it’s seen as a sign of weakness, or even a way of saying “what you did was not wrong.” “If I forgive them, that means they win.” We don’t need to let down our guard, however, when we forgive. We don’t need to admit defeat.

Forgiveness can be uncomfortable even in the simplest scenarios. “I’m sorry.” “It’s okay.” is a common exchange, as the person who was offended flusters to find an excuse as to how it was really their own fault. No. It’s not okay. The victim should accept the apology and offer forgiveness. If anything, forgiveness is a validation that what the offending person did was wrong. Do we forgive people who haven’t done any wrong? Hopefully not! Some people might not understand that what they do harms another, even when they are told that it does and asked to stop. Forgiving them might even offer some insight for them to understand their behaviour.

Most people probably expect something before offering forgiveness—an apology, a display of sincere sorrow, restoration to what was lost, a change in behaviour and attitude, and an explanation or understanding of why what they did was wrong. For some, even those things aren’t enough to convince them to forgive something so heinous and horrible that a life of hatred and resentment seems a just response. The Bible teaches us to forgive others daily, though, without any stipulation. How can that be earnestly accomplished, and what good does it bring?

What is forgiveness exactly? “Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors,” Jesus taught to say in prayer to God. “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:14) Why does God ask us to forgive others in order to receive His forgiveness? Well, why do we seek God’s forgiveness? We can know forgiveness by receiving it from God or another person. We sin, causing destruction, and a sadness lingers—a regret. We’ve made someone upset, and we know why. Will there be a punishment? Living with the consequences sometimes seems like punishment enough.

Forgiveness can easily be understood in terms of debt, as with the parable in Matthew 18 of the king who had a servant with a debt of ten thousand talents that he couldn’t pay. The king commanded that the servant, his wife, children and all that he had be sold in order to receive a payment. Measures were needed to be taken in order to compensate for what the servant was obliged to pay back. The resolution was very drastic for the servant and his family, leaving them with no possessions. The servant fell down before his master, saying “have patience with me, and I will pay you all.” (Matthew 18: 26). The master was “moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.”

To forgive is to cancel an obligation that someone has. When we sin, or trespass, against someone, what are our obligations to them? I would say to confess that what we did was wrong, express sorrow of their loss or hurt and offer compensation for what was affected. All of these things are a just follow-up to an act of evil committed. Should they be canceled as the debt in the parable was canceled? That’s what the parable seems to be saying. Isn’t the fulfillment of those obligations what many people deem what is deserving of forgiveness? If a debt is paid, though, how can it be forgiven? It is simply fulfilled. No forgiveness is needed. What God is forgiving us of is our trespasses. Just against Him? No, also against anyone who has not forgiven us. In order to receive such grace, He demands that we have the wisdom and compassion to forgive others. We’re to cancel the obligation that others have toward us to make up for what they damaged. We are to stop insisting that they act a certain way toward us. This doesn’t mean to reject those obligations if offered, but we must stop demanding them. Forgiveness releases us from constantly feeling unfulfilled over someone else’s insincerity. It helps us move on to focus on better things—to stop wasting our attention and energy on what we can’t control.

“How often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” asked Peter to Jesus (Matthew 18:21). “Not seven times, but I tell you, seventy-seven times.” (Matthew 18:22). This question can arise when someone, after forgiving them, comes and commits the same or another atrocity against you. Surely, there must be a limit to what we should forgive, Peter might have been thinking, and many probably feel the same way. “I’ve forgiven them and they still haven’t learned, what is the point? It’s not helping them.” That may very well be true, but the important part is that forgiveness will always help you/

We are to respond to evil with love. This minimizes the negative consequences on both ends. This doesn’t mean not to be angry or hurt by what is happening (“In your anger do not sin,” the Bible teaches), but to offer an example of providing goodness in the face of that which seeks to deprive goodness. Negative effects sadden us and we suffer. The person causing harm will eventually suffer, too, so the priority is to convince them to stop. Jesus was said to have rebuked evil spirits. Rebuking means to tell someone why what they do is wrong and to stop. Do we do that in the face of relentless evil, or do we just express how horrible it is? It should be obvious to the that person sinning why they should stop, but why don’t they? Rebuke them as Jesus would have, then forgive their obligation to repay what they deprived you of. Be happy if they are simply free of the sin and be prepared to lead them out of it again and again if you need to. They will be grateful when they return to a sound mind and have a better experience to learn from than if someone had responded to them with hatred or other sin.

Sometimes the debt owed is too much, or repaying it would severely deprive the person who owes it. God tells us to have compassion in these situations. In the parable above, however, after the servant was forgiven he went to demand a debt owed to him from a fellow servant, and when they reacted in the same way, falling down and asking for patience, he instead had them thrown in prison. The master found out and was furious. “You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow-slave, as I had mercy on you?” (Matthew 18:32). The master then canceled his forgiveness, reinstating the debt, and had the servant tortured until the debt was paid. Not only was the original obligation reinforced, but a punishment was also deemed necessary. Jesus finishes the lesson by saying, “So my heavenly Father also will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:35).

We may even be in a place of need, and someone repaying us would solve the situation. Still, God says to forgive debts and trespasses. He will provide us our daily bread, and look after us as He does the sparrow. Rely on His forgiveness and provisions and free yourself from demanding it of being dependent upon it from others. Amen.

In What’s So Amazing About Grace, Phillip Yancey calls forgiveness “an unnatural act.” When highlighting God’s expectation that we forgive others in order to receive His forgiveness, Yancey writes, “As we can allow ourselves to let go, to break the cycle, to start over, God can allow Himself to let go, break the cycle, start over.” He later goes on to say what I have learned about forgiveness and letting go of desires to retaliate, writing, “though the wrong does not disappear when I forgive, it loses its grip on me and is taken over by God, who knows what to do.” In a later chapter he further explains, “if we do not transcend nature [by forgiving], we remain bound to the people we cannot forgive, held in their vice grip… for the innocent party will bear the wound until he or she can find a way to release it—and forgiveness is the only way.” And again, “Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong.” When discussing an idea of Lewis Smedes, he also adds, “Forgiveness is not the same as pardon…. you may forgive one who wronged you and still insist on a just punishment for that wrong.”

Yancey also notes that, for God, forgiveness takes precedence over sacrifice. God instructed in the Old Testament to “first, go and be reconciled with your brother” before offering a sacrifice. With this instruction, coupled with our obligation to forgive others, the importance of our relationships with each other seem to be God’s priority. Forgive each other, work out differences and God will be pleased. He created us to get along and love one another, and if that isn’t happening then He will lead us to make it happen.

Forgiveness offers a path to peace. The Bible teaches that vengeance is God’s. When we forgive we let go of the measures that frustrated people resort to in order to force their abuser to confess and repent of their crime. People who refuse to forgive might think sometimes that the person who hurt them should experience the same pain, but that in turn can begin to involve more people, because it’s not just the one person affected but also their friends and loved ones, and a new retaliation might bring in a new group of people who might feel like they now need to retaliate back, and so a war breaks out.

In Yancey’s book, he quotes theologian Romano Guardini. “As long as you are tangled in wrong and revenge, blow and counterblow, aggression and defence, you will be constantly drawn into fresh wrong… Only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others.”

In a book I wrote I talk about how responding in sin has the danger of causing someone to falsely validate the original sin against them. In utilizing it they are giving it value and discrediting the very reason for committing it. “Someone punched me? I’ll punch them back. That felt good. Maybe they punched me for a good reason.” No. Be sad. Turn the other cheek. Rebuke them. Don’t give them a reason to think their crime against you was right when it wasn’t. Don’t convince yourself into a state of mind where you think you don’t need to forgive them. Most importantly be free of their valid accusations against you that they would have if you chose to respond with evil. Amen.